January 12, 2011

Hockey Season-al Depression

It's hit me, and it's hit me hard. A little somethin' somethin' I like to call Hockey Season-al Depression.

This is my fourth year in this crazy hockey world, and every year it creeps in around January.  Its dark, its cold, its gloomy and I could be a walking billboard for SAD
I've been toggling between moody, angry and homesick for the past few days, so I sincerely apologize for not returning comments, commenting on your blogs, or returning emails and facebook messages - I simply haven't had the energy.

I miss my family and friends and I miss every day not being controlled by a game, a practice, a bus trip, or a team meeting. I can't stay motivated and I can't stay positive. Without going into too much public detail that could get me or Teej in trouble, I flat out cannot wait for this season to be over. I've had enough of this place. If it weren't for my two great friends here and my two bloggy friends HW & Texa, I would have booked a flight home weeks ago. Its impossible to keep happy and positive when there are so much unfair going on. I wish I could just rant and let it all out, but I can't - so this will have to do for now. 

I'm a true believer that how you feel inside is directly reflected to what your house looks like. Example - I felt like a mess so the house was a mess.
Just kidding, it wasn't this bad
I woke up this morning and had had enough of being the only one at my Pity Party. I cleaned this place spic and span, threw away random stuff that was taking up space and feel very accomplished that we could literally have the entire apartment packed up and ready to move home in under 2 hours. 

I've never shared photos of our little German Abode, and I figure now might be a good time because who knows how clean it will stay.

Kitchen
Bruttys Space
Spare junk room
High tech dryer and storage space
 Bathroom
Bedroom - please note the two side by side single beds.
Only closet in the whole place
I'm not sure how I'm gonna get all these shoes and jackets home...
Living room, Brutty taking a snooze
Living room take 2
Living room take 3 and Bruttys hockey jersey :)
Anyways, can anyone relate to how I'm feeling? It certainly can't all be attributed to hockey, I think it has a lot to do with the post holiday blues. Everything was so happy, festive and joyous and then BAM, it's over for another year. 

Cleaning out the clutter and disarray was a good start for me. Tomorrow my plan is to make a road map and timeline for 2011 - it's time to get back on track and get my life in order.

How do you stay positive, happy and focused when you simply don't want to??

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21 comments

  1. I was going to say that it probably has something to do with the holidays being over as well...but you mentioned that. Maybe its the cold weather...that the sun is just a distant memory right now. Things that I do to take my mind off of feeling blue- head to the gym, read some of my favorite books, get my nails done (painted nails always makes things better, right;) , catch up on my shows, see a movie...just try to keep busy. Hope things get better girl!!

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  2. I KNEW you were on hoarders :) lol. I like to call these the dog-days of January. Groundhog day seems to set in, and it is just one droning day after another.
    I am so sorry you are feeling this way, it always sucks. And you are so super sweet for the shout out. I wish ya'll lived closer.
    And on that note, no joke, if you ever wanted a break from up there, come have a mini-holiday down here in south Germany. We could day trip it over to Austria, visit the vineyards around this area, just general get wastey and bash on hockey. Sounds fun, no!? And yes, I am dead serious :)

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  3. Don't be blue! You are living in Europe! Get out of the apt even if it's freezing cold! You will find something to inspire you :)

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  4. I hate that you are going through all this. I blame it on the time of year. Personally, this is the time of year I hate, Jan-Mar. Its gloomy, cold, and uneventful. I get the same way you do at the end of summer.

    For me the best way to stay motivated is making small goals to accomplish. Right now since there isnt much going on my goals are to crack the financial whip and run my half marathon. Then when it warms up and the scenery changes, my mood has lifted and I feel like a new person.

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  5. the season couldnt be over fast enough! I was joining you at your princess-pissy-pants party! Stay strong, skype your family! I dont think i have talked to my family so much ever. If you need to rant im here!

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  6. I've been feeling the same way - kind of. I've been feeling lonely more than anything because what I want the most is 3,000 miles away from me! I try to distract myself as much as I can with movies, exercise and friends. It does get so me sometimes though so I'm not too afraid to just cry! Sometimes it makes everything feel a lot better!

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  7. I sort of feel like my entire blog is about my never ending hockeyseason-al depression! I was thinking it'd be funny to leave a link to a similar post I wrote a few days ago but then I realized there are like 9384752345 posts that I have written about this.

    I don't have any fabulous words of wisdom except that it helps to stay busy. Plan a trip with your two friends there. Or by yourself. Are you still dancing? Take a trip to the studio, we both know you'll feel better if you do! And cleaning always helps me.

    I'm so glad we have each other.

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  8. Hugs! Thought you need one.

    http://brownbugz.blogspot.com

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  9. Girl, I'm sending positive vibes out to you filled with belly laughs and crunchy chips!

    Get your planning on and get yourself occupied...watch funny movies/shows or gather some people together and throw a karaoke or dance off night(do you have a wii?)for a few extra laughs. You'll get through this hump and the season will be over in a flash. No worries.

    BTW your double twin bed, super super cute :)

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  10. Hey! I definitely know how you are feeling. I actually and super affected by the season. Summertime, I am in full swing and happy go-lucky, and as the days go on and the days get shorter and the winter nights get colder, I feel more and more unmotivated etc. Thank God this winter I finally am taking happy pills to even it all out.
    My family is #1 to me, so I usually get in a better mood when I talk with my mom.
    Nice clean apt! Good work!

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  11. Awww I'm sorry you are feeling that way! I can definitely relate, I have had moments like that (obviously, not hockey related) out here. Not having your friends and family around does make these times so much more difficult to endure. Whenever I feel down and depressed out here, I usually first roll up in bed, listen to some sad music, maybe get out a good cry, and eventually, when I am sick of my pity party, I get up, reorganize the apartment, my closet, or call over my best friends I have out here to go out see a movie or go shopping etc. I always am torn between feeling sorry for myself and fighting against the sadness.. I hope you feel better soon! That is no good state of heart and mind to be in!

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  12. I found these today and thought of you:

    It is good to feel lost... because it proves you have a navigational sense of where "Home" is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn't that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it.
    - Erika Harris

    I met a lot of people in Europe. I even encountered myself.
    - James Baldwin

    I think the second one will be the title of my next entry!

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  13. If there is any consolation to you its feels the same for me even if its the other way around...since we arent together fulltime. I cant wait until the season is over and he comes home:)

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  14. omg... i had a post like this written out the other day... but thought... ok, i'm being super debbie downer... i gotta delete this.. (mine might have been a little more intense.. lol)... but i totally feel the same way and did last year around this time too. I'm contemplating taking a trip or something... it's SOOOO dark here... and cold... and i've seen snow since the beginning of oct. ugh.... The apt looks fab!!! I need to go through and do a clean up too.. maybe that will make me feel better. :)

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  15. Hang in there girlfriend! I've been the exact same way the past week. My poor hubby has probably had enough of my whining, bitching and negativity that he has probably come pretty close to booking me on the next flight home more than once. haha. I laugh about it one day and then throw myself a big pity party again the next. This is definitely the time of the season that it kicks in- the newness and excitement of a new season is completely gone, it's been a long time since we've been home, the end of the season is close, but not close enough... ahh! I wish I could give you some advice, but I haven't been able to get out of this funk myself.. and any "advice" that I can think of sounds way too cliche for the negativity surrounding me. haha. Sounds like you're on the right track with the cleaning out and getting things in order. If you need another judgement-free listener, you know where to find me :)

    p.s. love Brutus' hockey jersey! haha!

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  16. I'm so sorry :( Hopefully this passes soon. I don't have any great words of wisdom, but what usually helps cheer me up is having something to look forward to - an upcoming event, a phone date with a faraway friend, a special date with the boy, etc. Have anything exciting coming up on the list?

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  17. Oh girl, I can relate on SO many levels. In fact, every single level except swap out hockey for the Army. I'm not saying I know exactly how you feel (because nobody ever will, everyones situation is unique) Germany is a hard, hard place to live alone in the winter. Its gray, dreary, cold, and yucky. When I get into slumps like this, I do EXACTLY what you did. Clear out the clutter, clean 'til I'm sweating, and then reevaluate things. I am SO sorry that you are going through this--its such a miserable feeling! Let me suggest this: After you clean and make your apartment beautiful, put on some of your favorite music, dance around, eat some of your favorite food, talk with a good friend, take a bubble bath, take yourself out to eat, take Brutus on a walk, exercise, read a good book, or do something that is JUST FOR YOU! Please oh please email me anytime you want to talk (danaemoore@gmail.com). We can discuss our lonely/depressed/single-living moments ALL you want. Keep your chin up (oh my gosh I hate it when people say that to me! :) In fact, if you don't want to keep your chin up you don't have to! You are allowed to be sad! Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Just let all your emotions out, you won't regret it. Hugs from Bavaria to YOU!

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  18. Princess-Pissy-Pants Party -- I love it! While I can't relate to hockey season-al depression, winter definitely has the ability to get me down. And winters aren't [i]that[/i] rough here. Hope you're feeling a little cheerier soon; in the meantime, hope it helps to know you're not alone!

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  19. wow you have had lots of responses! That is great. I think on so many levels your post connects with something in all of us at one time or another. I shouldnt brag, but being in Sydney and having sunshine and very hot tropical weather at the moment, yet I stil went thru a moment of feeling blaghh and lonely and sad. :( It could be so many things, or nothing. Just know that even in cold, dark, Germany - there is still some beauty to be found. So I suggest to take a day and rug up, brave the cold and go out for a nice hot drink as a reward! Take your camera along and document things you have never stopped to look at before - like the view from a park bench, or a street sign, or a tree or the way the clouds are at that time or the steam coming off your hot drink. It will all make sense once you start. Ive often done this and the result is a feeling of "wow there is alot going on, even thru my own pity party" I guess it helps put things into perspective. Then share them on project 365 blog. It WILL make you smile. I am sending you a big bloggy hug and a little ray of sunshine (and please - take this humidity too ;) !!

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  20. We just moved to Germany. We are by frankfurt. Going to look around =)

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  21. You are so good at putting into words how you feel. Look at the comments you've received!!

    Let's not kid ourselves. This isn't easy cuz once you start a regular life away from home, you miss EVERYTHING. Missing all the facilities you used to have back at home, like your house, your car, your own bed and the list goes on...and on! Change is difficult, but it builds character. Not many people can say they did what you are doing. It helps us appreciate everything we have back where we belong. Okay, I'm done with my "positive blahhh".

    I love myself a good princess-pissy-pants party. And you're dog is so dang cute. Hang in there KY!

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