May 31, 2011

Hockey Talk, Badonkadonk.

I received an email over the weekend from a reader and decided to publish her questions along with my response straight onto my blog. I hope that by doing so, more ladies who have wanted to contact me directly in the past but haven't felt comfortable enough to do so, will know that a line of communication is always open for advice, or just to talk. I am available at ky@travel-babbles.com, and I use that email address for GChat as well :)

Hi Kym,

I've been wanting to email you for a long time to thank you for your blog. I feel like we have a lot in common (I used to dance, my fiance plays hockey in the Czech Republic, I love our dog like he's my son), and reading what you write really inspires me to have a life outside of my relationship, which I feel like I didn't before. My fiance is actually from Slovakia, and we met while he was playing hockey over here in Canada. We've been together for 4 1/2 years now. I've tried living over there, but fell into a really deep depression, mostly because I was so lonely and had nothing to do with my life. I am planning on moving back to Europe to be with him in October, but we've hit a rough patch in our relationship,and I don't know if we are going to make it to October. I was just wondering if you had any advice, like maybe you could blog about a time in your relationship that you thought the long distance or the hockey thing was going to rip you and TJ apart, if there ever was such a time in your relationship. To tell you the truth I just feel really lonely right now and there aren't a whole lot of people who understand my situation, but I know you understand it completely. I just don't know if this relationship is worth fighting for, especially when it seems like my fiance really doesn't have the energy to put into it anymore. Ok well enough of this novel, you're probably wondering why this crazy person is writing you- sorry!!! I just really enjoy your blog and appreciate that it has such helpful hints about being with a hockey player. - Rachel"

 
Dear Rachel,

I thank you so much for the introduction to your email. It's messages like yours that make the long butt-numbing hours of blogging worth it :)

First, I am glad that you recognize how very important it is to have a life and hobbies outside of your fiancé's career. You actually said 'relationship', and I hope that you aren't mixing your relationship and your fiancé's hockey career to make them one in the same. Please remember that even though you make the decision to leave your family, friends, home, work, and security to travel with your fiancé for his career, you aren't a packaged deal. It's his career. It's not 'your' career, it's not 'our' career. It's his. 

I can sympathize with your depression. I joked mid-way through the year that I had "hockeyseasonal depression," but it really wasn't a joke. Around January, I was sad every single day because I was missing home, the weather was terrible, and even though we were living in a beautiful and historic city just beaming with places to explore with the girlfriends that I made in Hannover, I just didn't really have the energy or interest to do so. If you go back in my archives, you will see that this is where I really started to take blogging seriously. This is no coincidence.

I'm going to talk to you like you're a good girlfriend: You said that there was "nothing to do with your life", snap out of it girlfriend!!! What are your interests? What are the bits and pieces that make you, YOU? You mentioned that you used to dance, perhaps you can look into area studios. What else do you enjoy doing? My favorite aspect of traveling with TJ this year was that I was able to experience being alone, thinking for myself, and finding myself. I rediscovered an old love for writing that I had all through high school while in AP/Honors English and as Senior Yearbook Editor - and I now have this blog that I take so much pride in.

I am going to answer your heavy relationship question in a two-fold manner. If you are having doubts about your relationship with the man you are considering marrying and spending the rest of your life with, you need to sort those feelings out before you head back over to Europe. In my opinion, there would be nothing worse than going all the way to Czech with this horrible feeling about when/if the relationship with your fiance is going to end. 

You didn't really say why your relationship is on the rocks, but considering that you asked me to blog about a time when long distance or hockey had almost ripped TJ and I apart, I am making assumptions and telling you this: Just like your fiancé's career doesn't define you, it doesn't define your relationship. Hockey and distance are simply different and atypical dynamics of your relationship. These two elements don't make your relationship, but they can certainly break your relationship if you choose to let them do so.

TJ and I certainly had trying times. I accused him, gave him the run around, and I wasn't fair to him for the first few months of our relationship. Why? Because of the stigma that comes naturally when you think of professional athletes and men like Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, A-Rod, and Steve McNair. I was scared of the professional hockey player, I put up a guard to the professional hockey player, and I pushed the professional hockey player away. At some point I got over it, I learned to trust him - as TJ - for the man that he is, and I discovered that just while he is a professional athlete, he's a human being first. If I still felt like he was untrustworthy and comparable to likes of Tiger, we certainly would not be planning a wedding right now.

I am here to offer you the advice of a friend who understands completely what you are going through, but I can't provide you with any words that will help you decide if your relationship is worth fighting for - you need to look for the answers within yourself and talk with your fiancé to see if he has the energy, excitement, and love for you that you deserve.
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6 comments

  1. I love this! I think every woman who is living a life similar to ours can relate. The depression is normal. You just have to push to get through it. Awesome for sharing!

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  2. What a great letter back to her, Kym. I feel like you could write an advice column, and it actually not be full of shit (like most of them out there). Really good advice, hope it helps you Rachel! :)

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  3. I totally agree. So well said Kym! :) Hope it helps her!

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  4. Great advice, Kym! You say it all so well. I agree- you could do an advice column! haha :)

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I love reading your thoughts and opinions and I do try to answer all comments and questions. If you would like to contact me directly feel free to email me at kymberly_fox@yahoo.com, on Instagram @kymberly_fox, or at Facebook.com/KymFox86 :)

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