June 14, 2011

If I'm not your friend in real life then I'm not your Facebook friend, either.

Over the weekend someone Googled "What do I say to someone who asks why I unfriended them on Facebook?" and they landed at Travel Babbles.
I wrote a post right at the start of the New Year that explained how I had spent a majority of one day going through my Facebook 'friends' list and deleting people. I've continued to do this every so often, and now my Friends List is right under 200 people. For me, Facebook is a way to keep in touch with the people with whom I have a current and/or real connection with. Regardless of if I grew up in the same town or went to the same school as someone, I don't need or want to have 800 people stalking my wall, creeping my photos, or knowing my personal information.
I've contemplated deleting 'the book', but instead chose to shut others notifications and my wall off.  I did this in an attempt to cut back my time on Facebook, buy Holy Mary, one would have thought that I committed a mortal sin when I did so. I received FIVE messages within 24 hours, and three additional messages since then, questioning why I was no longer friends with this one, why I was mad at that one, or why I was hiding info from another one.

What boggles my mind the most about these messages is that six out of the eight people who sent them  to me don't even have my new cell phone number. Five of them I haven't talked to since 2004! Since when did the Facebook Wall and Facebook Chat become more important than actually picking up the phone or planning a lunch date, to have a real, live, vocal, not typed, face-to-face conversation with someone?

I guess it depends, really, on what you use Facebook for. I've heard of people who use Facebook much like a Twitter account; to network with and meet new people -- but I'm choosing to stick to my motto: If I'm not your friend in real life then I'm not your Facebook friend, either

Thank you, Mr. Kimmel

What are your thoughts on Facebook? How would you handle someone questioning why you unfriended them?
SHARE:

25 comments

  1. I've cleaned out my friend list several times. But since I started blogging and trying to increase readership, I accept just about anyone. I have, however, posted less and less personal things there. I took down several albums, removed info, etc. I used to think about dumping FB, but now I just see it as another blog networking tool and don't hang out there as often.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my gosh, I did the same thing. Deleted about 100 friends. I was SO surprised with many of them added me back--a couple even the next day!

    One of them I never even spoke to in high school. And a few I'd only met once or twice.

    I don't know how to handle it, but my rule was that if we haven't spoken in 2 years, they didn't make the cut.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have people sending me friends requests that I haven't talked to since 1995 (tha't when I graduated from high school, and, yes, that's how old I am...ha ha)! So annoying...most of them didn't even know I was there when we went to school together...
    I don't accept those, because they didn't accept me, when they had the chance to!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am right there with you. I do a regular spring clean of my facebook friends list and I don't accept requests from people I don't speak to on other occasions as well. Good for you -- keep it that way. No one wants lurkers on their profiles and in their business!

    ReplyDelete
  5. My general rule is that I'm not friends with anybody on FB who I don't know personally IRL. I have a lot of FB friends, but all are people who I would feel comfortable with sending an email if someone close to them passed away. That's usually my gauge: if I feel comfortable shooting you off a personal email even though we may not have talked in a year, then we can still be friends.

    ReplyDelete
  6. lol.... i agree girlie.. I've just been too lazy lately to actually do that. I should though.

    ReplyDelete
  7. yes. my rule is if i will not say hi to you if you walk by me somewhere in public we cannot be facebook friends.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I couldn't agree with you more. I try to limit my FB-connections to people I actually have contact with (well, there are a few that I keep for the sake of being able to 'get in touch if I want to', but I am not excepting strangers and definitely not people who just want to snoop around.) I had one girl from my highschool (that I wasn't even really friends with at any point in time) contact me repeatedly about why I am ignoring her friend's request. Ah, hello?

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm with ya, Sista. I do a clean-out every few months. Feels GOOOOD!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I can't believe people actually contacted you about being de-friended! I would never do that but then again I am not very confrontational :)

    This made me realize I could probably trim down my FB friends too (and cell phone numbers in my phone while I'm at it)...why do I still have the number of a girl who I took math class with? Unnecessary!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I agree, then again I haven't done cleaning on mine. Tho its pretty much ppl I've spoken to or see on a day to day basis. Do what you want its your page not theirs. I wouldn't. Really care if someone who I don't talk as much deletes me, like some highschool friends that I wasn't chatty with back in school. I would care if a friend deleted me over an argument or whatever. That would hurt. I'm that type of girl who actually cares about people lol but hakuna matata! Have a fantabulous day!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bout done with this facebook shiznit. Don't blame you for turning your wall and notification off. And especially with all the stalkity stalkers out there, not a bad idea. You know what really always gets me?! The mommy bookers. Hey, people, I don't care the your little angel just did a 'dooty in her panties', that is disgusting. haha.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm in total agreement. I recently went through my facebook friends and immediately received a friend request back from someone I just deleted. It's like people use facebook as a form of popularity. Last I checked, I graduated high school 6 years ago, not yesterday.

    I hope you're having a great week otherwise!!

    *JRB

    ReplyDelete
  14. Right now I am basically using facebook to get out information on our wedding. That being said, I am careful who I add now because I know that I will be sharing information that I might not want everyone and their dog to know.
    I agree though, if I don't know who you are, or talk with you in some way, why be "friends"??

    ReplyDelete
  15. The other day, I deleted over 150 friends off facebook and now Im down to 256 friends. It was so refreshing and liberating! I agree, I dont want near strangers to be creeping my life if they are only curious and not genuinely interested

    ReplyDelete
  16. SOO agree with you. Unfortunately, I have not done well at this. About a year ago I got drunk and deleted 700 people from my account. WOOHOO, but now I still have 1000+ friends. I definitely don't keep in touch with 1000 people...but I can't decide what to do. And when I get annoyed with people, I just delete my account (and reactivate it shortly after). I am really kind of just over Stalkbook in general. I find it highly annoying. Blahhhh...think I need to just delete another 700 people :-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. I don't use Facebook and don't plan to mostly for the exact reasons Kym has mentioned; it's not worth the drama.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I so need to do this! When I joined FB I thought it was cool to friend every person I had ever spoken to or heard of. Now I only want to be linked to my real friends. BTW so laughing at Megan above who got drunk and deleted 700 people. And still has 1000 friends! Incredible. :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. I agree with everything you just said.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Interesting. I definitely have a lot of 'friends' on fb that I would probably pretend not to see if I came across them in real life. And yet somehow I would still feel bad if they realised I unfriended them. Maybe I'll wait til the next unfriend day rolls around hehe.

    ReplyDelete
  21. This cracks me up. I have an aunt who gets mad at me because I don't post status updates or lots of pictures. And I had a friend 'unfriend' me because she disagreed with my parenting style. What are we, 12?

    ReplyDelete
  22. I have a lot of people on my facebook. All of whom I either have daily or weekly interaction with. I do have strict policy if I don't know you, then you don't get on. I should say those include family I don't care for, high school people I could care less about and the few military wives looking for the drama. For me though Facebook is a way I interact with people back home easily! In all seriousness the giant ocean doesn't seem so giant with a email or wall post away.

    ReplyDelete
  23. LOVE this blog entry...you spoke my views, exactly and to a T. About a year ago I did a major friend cut and deleted people who are described exactly by that "your facebook friend request is more conversation than we had in high school" picture you posted. Then earlier this year I thought about it again and deleted more people, people I had been friends with in the past but who had never commented on anything, sent me a message, chatted with me on FB. Why should I let you stalk my profile if you're never going to interact with me, regardless of whether or not we were good friends 10 years ago?

    ReplyDelete
  24. OMG KYM!!! This took the words right out of my mouth. I may need to post your pink little "sign" on my FB wall. What about after you delete people they friend request you multiple times again. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? It drives me nuts. I love the new layout of your blog. Super spiffy!

    ReplyDelete

I love reading your thoughts and opinions and I do try to answer all comments and questions. If you would like to contact me directly feel free to email me at ourfoxtales@gmail.com or find me on Instagram @ourfoxtales.

MINIMAL BLOGGER TEMPLATES BY pipdig