August 8, 2011

Retiring from hockey....

This time last year (a year ago today, actually), TJ, Brutus and myself were filled with excitement and anticipation as we embarked on our German hockey adventure.


...and yes, Brutus told me he was very excited for schnitzel and beer.

{Let's play I SPY!}

This off season has been rough. Tough. Frustrating. Scary. And many four letter words. #$%!

The emotions that I've been through these past few weeks after watching friend after friend sign their deals goes from genuine excitement and happiness for them, to depression and sadness for us.

I sound pathetic, I know.

TJ keeps telling me not to compare him to X player who signed with Y team. That those things do not matter. And they don't, and I get that. And I can whole heartedly scream at the top of my lungs that I am TJs biggest fan and strongest supporter, but it's so f-ing difficult.

TJ has been to the gym every day, playing in summer league games every week, drinking protein shakes (HW and Texa, that joke goes out to you!) but no matter what he does, his fate ultimately lies in someone elses hands. It's terrifying.

I need control, I need a plan. I need the mental preparation to digest the stress of another move. Will we stay in the States? Will we go to Europe? Will I be in the same time zone as my family, or will I be 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 hours ahead of them? Will I have the 'luxury' of packing my car to the brim to move cross country, or will I be forced to pack my belongings into one suitcase? Will I be paying for our groceries in dollars, euros, kronas, or wons?

Those questions, which are set on repeat every day while waiting for one of TJs agents to call can drive a girl crazy - and they are.

So I decided today that I'm retiring.

I'm stepping back from the stresses of off season. I'm forcing myself to not check Elite Prospects every morning to see if he's been rumored to one of the three teams who have shown 'interest.' I'm done clicking on team after team in Europe to see which ones still have Import player spots left, and which US teams still have enough spots open for a Veteran player. I'm finished asking TJ to call his agents to see what's up. I'm done.

My Mantra:

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20 comments

  1. Don't scare me like that! :) Phew. I love ya girl, and you need all the relaxation you can get. Have a good retirement, but see you for your comeback soon!

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  2. Oh Kym ... I can relate to everything you've said here, everything you're feeling. And I'm so glad you put it all out there because I think this is the side of hockey, or "semi"-professional sports in general, that people don't understand or appreciate.

    Sometimes, it just fucking sucks.

    Better days are ahead for you guys, I just know it. And in the meantime, you can know that while we do have a contract, I have a sprained ankle, a sinus infection, and I'm supposed to travel with a 2 year old for 48-fucking-hours tomorrow.

    I love you forever and for always!

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  3. I love your blog and your layout! Did you design it?? Your bulldog is adorable. Newest follower :)
    -Shane @ Whispering Sweet Nothings

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  4. Haha, I love that you check Elite Prospects!

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  5. Hope you fnid a way to destress soon! That's a good mantra

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  6. That is probably the best attitude to have..your right-it will all work out just how it is supposed to in the end!

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  7. Kym,
    Praying that God (and a hockey team!) decides where y'all should go next. <3 Thinking of you during this scary, crazy mess of a time!
    -Sarah

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  8. I hope you will find out where you are going soon cause there is nothing worst than waiting...

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  9. I think it's great that you're stepping back a little bit and allowing what's meant to be just happen. I can't even imagine how stressful it must be waiting in anticipation for next seasons contract. But, if TJ is confident that he's in the right hands then I'm sure he is - everything will work out - promise!

    xoxo
    Jenna

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  10. Whatever does happen... Will happen for a reason girl. We have been in 3 different countries in 4 years... But you need to take whatever comes.. And still look at it like u did last year. As hard as it may sound. It will be a new adventure, and I know u will take advantage of all the opportunities there are at that place. I will keep my fingers crossed that TJ signs something soon so u can start planning your next adventure together :)

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  11. as hard as i know this is, i think you're doing the best thing! you're going to give yourself an ulcer if not! sometimes when something is 100% out of your control the best thing to do is just step back and let destiny take over :)

    i just kind of hope destiny brings yall to scandinavia (norway perhaps?! LOL) :)

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  12. Stay strong girl!
    We went through the exact same thing when my husband decided to stop playing professional cricket (and we went through the same traumatic times of other people making runs, getting hefty paychecks and new signings and contracts!)
    x

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  13. I really think you are doing the right thing to do. I have been through the same thing for 2 years and I just stop looking after where my bf is gonna play the next year, because of course you are concerned about it but you are also pushing so much pression on your bf and he probably has enough to haddle already.
    I am French, I have been to Sweden 2 years and now my bf is in czech Republic and I wasn t with him this year because I needed to know who I am really and without him. I lived one year away from him and now that I know who I am and what I am abble to do by myself I will so much better. I think we all need to quite once, to fell better after.
    I have my fingers crossed for you and your bf to find a great team and a great place to live next year :)

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  14. I feel ya girlfriend. I'm in the same exact position! Just hang in there!

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  15. Stay strong. Something will come your way, planned or not....you will make something good of it. You have each other, your family and friends.

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  16. "You're gonna wish you never had met me, tears are gonna fall, rollin' in the deep!"

    "There's a fire startin' in my heart"

    I love Adele, and after reading your post I couldn't resist...it's perfect for this.

    Be peaceful, sister...you will have it all!

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  17. I think that is a great idea! So hockey huh?! I think that is sweet! My husband played D1 collegiate baseball and almost got drafted but things didn't work out so I am glad but I remember wondering what the plan was! Everyone was talking about it and we chose another path but I know what you mean! :)

    Ashley Sloan

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  18. To start, I love your blog. And I love that quote. I can't believe I'm not a follower, nor have ever read here before, but guess what? I'm a new follower :) I want to catch upon life in Kym's world so back to reading. Please do not judge if you become inundated with comments from me :-P

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  19. Stay strong chica! I know it so cliche but everything happens for a reason! xoxo!

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