September 11, 2011

Immediate Goosebumps.

I wasn't going to write today. 

I'm not good with my words when tragedy and mourning strike.

This morning I woke up just like every other day, knowing in the back of my mind, no, today was not just like every other day. Knowing that today is the "10 Year Anniversary", though I do not want to refer to it as such. To me, an anniversary is something to celebrate. 

Today, we do not celebrate. Today, we remember. 

When I walked into the gym this morning it was eerily quiet. Everyone seemed half there, all eyes focused on the TV's. I tried to move past the uncomfortable state, max out the volume of the music in my ears, and just stay focused.

The treadmills are conveniently lined facing sixteen flatscreens on the wall. Normally what gets me through my sprint series is a trashy re-run of Dance Moms, but today all sixteen television were flashing images and video clips of 9/11.

I couldn't help but compare todays news casts to those that are shown on New Years Eve. A countdown, if you will.

It made me sick.

The dense smoke, the business papers scattering about. The flashes of people jumping to their deaths, complete chaos in the streets, strangers embracing each other, children crying. The fear, the frustration, the unknown. All the feelings I felt back in 10th grade, only this time magnified, digested.

8:46:40.

I looked down at my right arm, to take my eyes away from the images in front of me.

Underneath the sweatbeads - immediate goosebumps

How could I be sweating and yet be freezing inside? It felt as though cold blood was running through my veins, and it took everything I had to stay strong and not burst into tears.  

Not because of the images, but for the families. The ones who wake up every day with a reminder of what happened, who don't need images from ten years ago to prompt a flood of emotion. Perhaps it's the empty side of the bed, or the empty chair at breakfast before the children go off to school. Every day, they remember.

Have you ever had a feeling envelop your entire body and you just knew - you grew up.

In light of the recent tragedies that have rocked everyone from the "hockey world" to the "real world", I've experienced many "coming of age" moments. Moments that have shifted my perspective, defined me.

Mommy isn't here to shield and sugarcoat tragedies anymore. I've been forced to lose a bit of my innocence and naiveness with each event that occurs; to find my place and purpose in this great big 'ole world and discover new truths about myself emotionally, spiritually and intellectually.

My life and the lives of my boys, my family and my friends is to be treasured, savored, lived and appreciated passionately, fully, and most importantly, not taken for granted.

..........

I've been trying to find a strong ending for this post but I've exhausted myself, so I will leave you words from my heart and a reminder:

Your life, and the lives of your family and friends, is to be treasured, savored, lived and appreciated passionately, fully, and most importantly, not taken for granted.

Today and Every Day:
Cling tight to your family, and thank God you have someone to love.

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10 comments

  1. I just wrote about September 11th as well. I also had a tough time explaining how that day was a loss of innocence for me. I found a video that I put at the bottom of my post that kind of has the same message as the end of your post.

    http://myfabulouspursuitofhappiness.blogspot.com/2011/09/day-of-stories-how-i-remember-september.html

    Funny how so many of us came out of the experience 10 years later with the same feelings.

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  2. Today is such a hard day for so many people. I feel a bit heavy. But I think remembering is so important. Thanks for this post.

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  3. I can relate to this, a lot. I think today should never be forgotten, but as people--we should never stop moving forward. I haven't bothered watching any 9/11 footage today because it's forever engrained in my mind. But, as with every year, I woke up and remembered where I was when the chaos in NYC started (watching TV at home) and where I was when the towers fell (in 7th grade English class, watching TV). It's been an odd decade for me personally (none of the adults I was living with on 9/11 are alive, for example), but I agree with you--people that I care about should not be taken for granted. Take care.

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  4. Whoever told you that you aren't good with words when it comes to tragedy must not have been listening. This is beautifully written, and I thank you for sharing your personal story!

    God Bless xx

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  5. Hi ~ I found your blog through 20-Something Bloggers. What a lovely, profound post on such a difficult day for so many.

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  6. So well done, Kym. Very beautiful post. Agree with the anniversary thing. It isn't one, it is a remembrance. Thanks for sharing this, it turned out, well, perfect.

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  7. This was such a beautiful tribute Kim. Very well written. Gave ME goosebumps!

    And your blog is just adorable! Where in Texas will you be moving to?

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  8. Beautiful post. What a wonderful perspective - gave me chills as I read it. I agree with you - we need to remember and celebrate carefully.

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  9. Very well written post. As a military wife the tragedy of 9/11 has hit very hard here and it's good to see that the public haven't let such a terrible thing fall to the back of their minds.

    I can hardly believe it has already been 10 years..

    Lovely words and tone to this post though :)

    Stopped by from FTLOB.. have a great week :)

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  10. reading this post gave me chillbumps to be honest.

    i lost a friend at the virginia tech shootings back in 2006 and i had a reallllly rough year dealing with it. on that one year anniversary mark from it, i felt a bit of closure...and things made me feel a bit better. i thought the 9/11 10 year anniversary would do the same.

    but it didnt. in fact, it took me back to the 18 year college freshman i was when it happened. i felt so lost and i felt so angry that someone could do something so evil. it left me with chills and tears all day this past sunday because i dont think a situation like this is EVER something that will be a closed book. we are paying for their actions every day.

    thanks for writing such a gret post and i hope you're doing well :)

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