December 21, 2011

Dreams Are Just Dreams When They're Stuck Inside Your Head.

What do you see when you look inside your heart?
A little thought can walk a thousand miles and change your life. 
When dreams lead the way the impossible is suddenly in sight,
Every step you take just brings it all together
You gotta keep the faith when all seems lost forever.
-Dreams, by Diana Degarmo

While I've been happily traveling with TJ for the past 5 hockey seasons, this year was different right from the start. Instead of 'traveling', it quickly began to feel like I was simply.....drifting. 

I've always joked that we are a "packaged deal". Where he goes, I go.

But playing hockey is his thing. While it was fun for the past 5 years...here I am at almost 26 years old and I frequently ask myself - "Who am I?"

Let's see...I'm a fiance, I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm a fur-mama, umm, I'm a blogger? 

But what makes me, me
What am I made up of? 
What do I want to do with my own life? 
What is important to me?

When you live for and follow someone else's dream, it's inevitable that you come up short on answering those questions. You find it almost impossible to define yourself. I shake inside when someone says, "So, tell me about yourself."

Reflecting on the past 4 years of my life, the days were long but the years were short. 

It became too easy to make excuses for myself, to convince myself that there were certain things that I couldn't see or be or do because of the "What If's"

"What if he gets that offer in Europe?"
"What if he doesn't get an offer at all?"
"What if he gets traded?"
"What if he has a career ending injury?"

But my life isn't a spectator sport like hockey is, and it's time to become an active participant in my own destiny. It's time to make a change before I allow another 4 years to go by. There is no simpler way to explain that change than by saying this: I'm focusing on me.

I've been making a conscious effort for the past few weeks to focus on myself in positive ways. What has this resulted in? My firm belief in Karma, and lots of big, exciting changes in my life to share.

It's true: What you send out into this world really is returned to you.

In addition to currently going through an extensive six week training program for my new career as a virtual travel agent, I'm so happy to announce that I also signed a one year contract to stay here in Texas for another job. I was flown in to Denver, CO last week to train for my Pure Barre Instructor certification, which I will continue to study and train for throughout the end of January. TJ and I mutually discussed and decided that if someone was willing to invest the time, trust and money in to me and my talents, then that is an opportunity that I simply could not let pass me by. 

Additionally, since I'm staying here in Dallas/Fort Worth - and the opportunity is knocking louder than ever - I've made the individual and now public commitment to audition for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders in May. I know that many of you may think it's a ridiculous thing to aspire to be a cheerleader in life, but I whole heartedly consider being chosen as a DCC one of the highest honors that I could ever receive.

Why?

Because five years ago, if someone asked me to tell them about myself, I would have immediately began with:
"I'm a dancer..." 

The  word 'dancer' and all that it signifies sums up everything that I aspired to be before I allowed this hockey world to consume me: poised, elegant, athletic, graceful, hardworking, dedicated, ambitious, skilled, disciplined, devoted, passionate.  I lived and breathed dance, my college degree is in Dance. When TJ met me I was dancing professionally and choreographing Nationally award winning pieces. It mind boggles me that I was able to walk away from something that I lived for and everything that defined me...but love makes you do silly things :)

I'm excited and ready to invest my heart and soul into both the physical and emotional aspects of training for auditions, to present the best me that I can be, and to know who I am and exactly what I have to offer if I make it into the interview round.

So, what happens if TJ doesn't re-sign here next year? I honestly haven't given it much thought. I'm at a point in my life where I think it is very important to focus on putting myself first, and there is no shame in that. I trust that we'll figure it out together if and when we have to think about it.

And what happens to Travel Babbles? Well, I haven't figured that out quite yet. It makes me sad that I no longer need this blog the way that I use to, but it also makes me very happy that I don't longer need it like I use to. I'm still in the process of figuring out the road that Travel Babbles will take in 2012, and I thank you for sticking by me :)

What do YOU see when you look inside YOUR heart?


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15 comments

  1. Wow. I loved reading this. So very inspiring! I am happy that you are thinking of you. Many women forget about themselves when they are in a committed relationship. I hope your dreams come true!!

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  2. I really loved this post- I'm glad you're finding out what makes YOU happy & following your heart.

    I think it is really EXCITING that you're following your dream to becoming a DCC. You most definitely should document your journey through the tryouts. I would love to read that!

    Keep us updated!

    xoxo
    -Kristen

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  3. Congratulations on going for your dream. And I think figuring out what happens if you make the squad later is a fine plan. Going for it no matter what is a great thing. I wish I was fearless about going after my dreams at your age. No I am not 80! But I did waste a lot of time worrying about the rest of the world. Follow your heart. And good luck!

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  4. I so needed this today! Going through the same struggles with my partner/hockey player...thank you! Best of luck in everything (especially Dallas Cowboys cheerleading, honestly who doesn't wish they could do that?) Thank you so much for this!

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  5. How exciting!!! I have complete and utter faith that you will make it as a DCC!!! I really do! I'm so excited for you and these awesome new adventures!! :)
    And inside my heart? I don't see there what I'm doing here now... But I hope to be heading that way as I go! :)

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  6. whatever form travel babbles takes, I'm excited for you and everything to come. I haven't commented in a while, but I still love your blog, especially since you were one of the first blog buds I had :) I'm a huge dreamer and tend to think the same way as you. I'm excited to hear about your new journey with dance and see where it takes you!

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  7. Congratulations! You have done in four years what took me almost fifteen years to do. You are so correct when you say the days are long and the years are short. For me I cannot believe it has been fifteen years that I left college, moved from my family, and devoted my life to my husband's career. If it is meant to be it will all work out. Cold there be a possibility that TJ signed in Texas to bring you one step closer to being a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader? Best of luck!!! I have also been thinking for a long time that with your background, fitness instruction would be a perfect fit, and I find it works well with the relocation and life of hockey! I have done it eleven years now, and I love every moment (mostly).....

    Here is to a wonderful 2012!

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  8. Yay! This was so inspiring for me to read and I loved hearing it all! I understand part of where your coming from when you say you and TJ are a "package deal" because I was for a short time too with my fiance (long story) and I didnt know what to do with myself either but now that I am on my own again, Im back to figuring out what I want to do with my life. I am anxious to hear of your journey of trying out for DCC & my cousin is too! Dallas is awesome and it is definitely a fun place too!

    Keep it up Kym! Hope you and TJ have a wonderful Christmas and New Year :)

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  9. Oh my goodness, girl! I love this post! I love your honesty and the way you describe your inner self! Wonderful! I wish you all the best for everything! Go and audition for them - you will be awesome! I think it's wonderful that you know what you want and that you are taking the effort to get there! Woohoo
    When I look inside my heart I see that I don't belong here anymore and want to go back to live the fabulous life we had in the US - and we are working on making this dream come true! We only live once, right?!
    Happy Holidays and may all your dreams for 2012 come true! xxx

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  10. that's fantastic! congrats! glad you are going for your dream! xo

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  11. I don‘t have much to say other than I am so proud and happy for you :)

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  12. this post was so inspirational! thank you for sharing this girl. perfect!!
    xo TJ

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  13. Girl I wanted to cry reading this with how much I can relate to you. Even if you don't try, it is so easy to lose yourself in your significant other. Forget what makes you tick, what you love. I think it is excellent that you are doing this. And TJ is loving and supportive, you will work it out. My husband is always supporting with what I want to do and it is still hard to be me and choose myself. Anyway, you go girl. I can't wait to hear more about your journey which means you need to continue Travel Babbles!!

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  14. I found you on the DFW network, and I've actually been to your blog before! I love it. You guys are the cutest little family, and this post is very touching. You are such a great person to give up the life your could have had for love. I think it's beautiful and I 100% admire you for it!

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  15. I'm so behind on the 'Babbles but this is amazeballs and I can't wait to see how high you climb!! xoxox

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