November 15, 2012

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes...

If there is one thing that I've learned in the past few months,
it's that no matter how much I paint this pretty picture in my head
of how I expect things to be,
I'm not in control.

I think I've realized
that I've been given a lot of silly little things to worry about this year
to better prepare myself
for the much more important things in life that are out of my hands.

After consulting with my blog editor/babymaking sexpert,
we've decided that I should write this out.

Because I know that at least one of you who reads this post will relate.

It should come as no surprise that TJ and I have been trying for a baby.

Since July.

I wrote somewhere in past wedding planning posts
that we wanted to start a family immediately after the wedding,
and that's exactly what we've been trying to do.

For the past three months.

And all of a sudden,
it seems like I'm the only female in Target
who doesn't have a bump or a baby sitting in her cart
...
and I mean that in the funniest way possible.

I'm not pushing the panic button quite yet.

Life has been crazy and stressful these past few months.

I have faith that when it's meant to be it will be.

But as I was watching some dingbat on 16 and Pregnant
hit baseballs at the batting cage yesterday,
I couldn't help but wonder
...
Why is it so easy for some women and not for others?
Is there seriously only a golden sliver of opportunity each month to conceive?
Why are we missing that opportunity?
And is this only the beginning of a fertility problem?
 

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23 comments

  1. I wonder the same things Kym! We aren't ready for kids yet but I often worry that when we are, it won't be as easy as it seems.

    Best wishes to you as you keep 'trying.'

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  2. Hey Kym,
    Firstly LOVE your blog. I think it's great that you are putting this out there, PROPS to letting the wall down and for sharing this with others.

    Whatever religion you believe, whatever higher power you trust - I firmly believe that everything happens when it is supposed to. We got pregnant and are still not ready. I know some friends of ours who tried for years and ended up getting pregnant when they stopped 'trying', and stopped worrying about getting pregnant.

    It will happen before you know it. Thanks for sharing :) Thoughts, and prayers, and loves sent your way! xoxo

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  3. Hey Kym,

    I agree with Tausha. I LOVE YOUR blog. Thank you so much for putting that out there. Sometimes I hestitate on what to write because I'm not sure if people would want to read. Then I see you post this and restore my confidence.

    I know it's not the best answer but things happen for a reason. Sometimes its the stress of 'trying' just have fun with it. I'll be praying for you guys.

    xo
    Jessa

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  4. We have been lucky, first time we tried everything works normal, since then on trying for #2 we've had issue after issue, but I think we are past it right now.... fingers crossed.

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  5. Hugs friend! I just don't understand it either. :(

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  6. Kym, I'm sorry you are feeling down about this situation. Like you said, three months ins't a long time though and certainly not long enough to get worried over. What do I know though, I have not been to the point of ttc yet. However, I believe that it is similar to falling in love, the harder you try and the more you focus on it, the less it will happen. You are young and newlyweds, if you don't get married for another year, so be it, there is so much more you can enjoy with and about each other at the moment. Time isn't running out yet either, so you don't have to worry about risk pregnancies or the alike. Just relax and enjoy the ride and then I am positive good things and a baby bump will come your way! xo

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  7. 3 months isn't a terribly long time to be trying, but I definitely take a proactive stance on this topic! My husband and I tried for 2.5 years, took all the tests, medication and finally conceived through a round of IVF. Not that you are at that point at all, but look into basal body temping every morning and ovulation predictor kits if you aren't already. It is easy for people to say "just relax, it will happen" but that doesn't work for everyone!

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  8. Wow all my favorite bloggers must be reading my thoughts today! I feel the same way! My new hubs and I have been "not NOT trying" since we got married in July. He's going to be 30 next year and wanted to start a family right away. I agreed with him because I always wanted to be younger when I started a family, and I love the life his parents live now that there kids are grown and they are still young...they take ridiculous amounts of vacations! I'm sure what everyone says is true...it happens when you're ready, etc. but it's still annoying to hear when that pee stick shows up negative (yeah I can't just wait for my friend like a normal girl!). Good luck with your efforts...fingers crossed for you overe here!

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  9. Hey Kym! Found your blog from Erin at LIY. Trying for a baby can be soo frustrating, because its like when you're ready, you're ready. And then when it doesn't happen immediately, it's frustrating. I can totally relate. Everything happens for a reason, just give it some time. Sending good (baby) thoughts your way!

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  10. I have to say that the show 16 & pregnant makes ME mad and I'm not even trying for a baby!!! UGH those girls........... sending you best wishes that you are blessed with a little one! :)

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  11. We are dealing with the same thing...we actually got pregnant last November, and sadly miscarried in late January. We waited a bit to try for another baby, but now I feel like something is wrong and am stressed about getting pregnant. The waiting and not having control is so tough. You are in my thoughts!

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  12. you are not alone lady! :) there are so many of us out there who struggle with this. i have been dealing with none stop ovarian cysts for a year. i had one ovary removed. so it has definitely been a struggle. BUT...for me and my husband we just pray and stay as positive as possible. of course we have our bad days...probably me more than him. it doesnt help that ALL my friends have kiddos. as silly as this sounds, just try to be stress free and not think about it so much and you know...good things will come. for the last 2 months, i have done so much better on eleavating stress and not worrying so much, and i currently have ZERO cysts :) :)
    good thoughts are going your way lady!! :)

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  13. girl, don't worry! it took my husband and i almost a year to conceive with baby #2. it got to the point where "trying" just wasn't fun anymore, and it wasn't allowing us to really be intimate. once i gave up trying to get pregnant, we did! keep the faith and remember it's all on god's timing to give you a beautiful baby!

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  14. We're about to start trying so I feel you! New follower :)

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  15. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you. I've always been scared of what would happen the day I [and my future husband] decide to start trying for a baby. Will it be easy? Will it happen at all? And then I start to panic... What if I never even find that husband? [Ha.] So, I can't pretend to know what it feels like but this post shows how strong you are.

    Sending lots of good thoughts your way in hopes that when the time is right, it will happen!! xo

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  16. Thanks for posting... My husband and I have been trying since August, and while I realize that this is definitely not a long time, especially in comparison to others who have been trying for years, it doesn't make the process any easier as you said. I'm with you in feeling like suddenly the entire world is pregnant (dramatic much, I know ;)) and it's so hard not to let negative, 'what if' thoughts consume your days. Nice to know that someone else is going through the same thing... needed to see this tonight! Praying for you and your journey!

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  17. It'll happen when everything is exactly right :) A couple of my friends were trying for seven months before they finally conceived and it was simply because they stopped putting so much "pressure" on themselves! Sending lots of good thoughts and 'baby dust' your way! :)

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  18. Oh wow lady! Look at all the ladies who are in the same or have been in the same boat, just from the comments above. You're not alone, you know that! We did the not (not) trying thing for awhile and nothing came of it, so we switched to the monitoring the dates kind of a thing and so far nothing either. I'm like you, I'm not stressed out just yet, but it is disappointing to find out that you're not preggo every single month. It's also hard to hear those stories of 'well, we weren't even trying, but here we are'. It's just one of those things that's different for every woman and every couple.

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  19. Thank you for this honest post Kym. My heart is sad for you because I know you will both be awesome parents and a little baba will steal your hearts. God has a Plan for us all, keeping having faith and belief in that - although it is a lot easier said than done.
    I am always praying for you x

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  20. Not that we were trying, but I had no hormones last year, so we were told we couldn't conceive. This year, everything's back to normal! Don't stress because there are a million factors. Have faith <3

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  21. I'm 36 so I talked to my doctor about (maybe) trying soon. She told me don't worry until you've tried for a year. So, I know it's easier said than done, but... try not to worry! :)

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  22. Kym, after seeing many friends struggle to conceive, I understand what you and TJ are experiencing.

    My sister is expecting twins, and then tried for a measly month. We have a good friend who has been trying to over 2 years and has had so many unspeakable heartbreaks and moments of frustration along the way. While I am obviously thrilled beyond belief for the impending arrival of my niece and nephew, my heart breaks whenever I think of my friend and the emotions she must be experiencing through all of this.

    While the questions I ask myself aren't baby-related, I feel like the only one of my friends who is not only not married, but hasn't even been on a date in an embarrassing amount of time. If you'd asked me 10 years ago, I would've said I'd absolutely be married and would probably have a baby or at least be trying for one. 10 years later, I still wish my life was at that point, so it's a constant source of frustration that it's not.

    I wish I had the answers to any of our questions, but....I don't. If you find them out, let me know. In the meantime, might I suggest a glass of Barefoot Moscato (my favorite - and one glass won't hurt any current or future babies), and know that I am rooting for some Fox pups to make their arrival soon! <3

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  23. Best advice I can give is to stay away from google and trust in God and God alone. My husband and I got off birth control last December and started trying. Found out we were pregnant in March, and then lost our baby girl in May to Turner's Syndrome. During that pregnancy I googled non-stop and stressed all the time.
    Afterwards, it was the same thing. We wanted to get pregnant again and we were both so upset and confused on why we couldn't. Finally I got fed up with being so "ME" consumed and I gave my control fully to God. That same month we became pregnant again, after 5 months of trying.
    I know you are a woman of faith and I know that God has a beautiful, but different plan for us than we do.
    Chin up lady, it'll all happen in His perfect timing! xoxo

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