December 3, 2012

Mrs. Bitchy McBitch.

I've been accused of being a lot of things in my life,
and being too positive is not one of those things.

When I look at a glass of water, it's half empty. That's just who I am.

I'm going to be real with you all - I've been a pessimistic little bitch this past week.
Seriously, I've dubbed myself Mrs. Bitchy McBitch.

PMS coupled with financial stress and things that I can't publish onto the interwebs 
have left me angry, teary eyed and mean these past few days.

I've been told that the first year of marriage is the hardest. 

But I never believed the people who said it - I just thought that they were Negative Nancy's who should have thought twice before getting married. 

And now, five months in, I am finding that this year has been especially hard for us. 

Not us in terms of our marriage - our relationship has been strengthened on so many levels due to the trials and tribulations that we've faced  together - but the cards that we've been dealt have been awful, and the cards that we have picked ourselves have all been Jokers....and lately, I'm having a very difficult time keeping my poker face on.

Why is it so easy to let negative thoughts consume us?

For Example:
Last night I dropped a container of strawberries on to the floor and my first reaction was 
"OF COURSE THE FUCKING STRAWBERRIES WOULD FALL ON THE FLOOR."

For a split second it felt natural that the strawberries would do that, like they jumped out on purpose or something. 

But what really happened is that my phone buzzed and when I went to reach for it my forearm knocked the container over.

Luckily, while sitting on the floor picking white dog hairs off my brand new juicy strawberries (come on, you don't abide by the five minute second rule?), I had a breakthrough ... a small voice inside my head whispered the quote and reminded me:

If you don't like something, change it. 
If you can't change it, change your attitude.

And then, just like that, I found the strength to get my act together, 
and my six goals for December were born:

1. Force myself to work out at least four times a week. I've gained ten pounds since this time last year and I have the ability to do something about it, so I am. 

2. Appreciate the holiday. I often find myself half coherent during most conversations because I'm replying to emails or finishing something work related on my phone. Remember when Christmas was magical? I'm really looking forward to creating traditions with TJ and being fully in the moment this year...without my phone.

3. Pay off $500 in credit card debt. After celebrating our wedding in July, the debt that we have accrued is disgusting. I'm on a mission this month to not spend one extra penny besides what is deemed absolutely necessary, and instead start hacking away at our bills.

4. Cut sugar and processed foods out of my diet. It will be interesting to see how my mood changes without chemicals and crap floating around in my body.

5. Read. I downloaded three books to my Kindle last week and haven't made the time to start reading one. I need to create the time necessary to focus on a more productive means of feeding my brain besides reading what's going on on Facebook and Twitter.

6. Create an action plan for my Twenty Wishes.

*************

They say to "play with the hand that you've been dealt", so I'm going to try to make it work, instead of letting it work me. I've realized that I can't change the situation that I am in right now, but I do have the power to change my attitude - and I hope that in focusing on my mind, body and soul this month I'll enter the New Year with a happy heart, fully committed to make 2013 the best year yet.

Who's with me?

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16 comments

  1. Girl, I'm pretty sure everyone's been here :) You'll get through it and come out the other end stronger. Honestly, your goals look awesome and completely attainable! YOU CAN DO IT! and you have a whole support group of blog readers right behind you every step of the way.

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  2. We pretty much have the same goals! Want to be workout buddies? :) I do P90x and Insanity exercises at home because I'm scared of the germs in gyms. LOL

    xo,
    janmloves.blogspot.com

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  3. Girl, you are who are and don't apologize for it. I think it's fab that you've set goals for yourself; I find that the best way to get through shitty times. Worry about changing only the things you can. The things that are simply out of your control require a glass of wine, a good cry, and your girlfriends. Keep your chin up, we're all rooting for you.

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  4. I am right there with ya...so much to do, and it's easy not to really enjoy the holiday...and I need to get back to the gym...I think it will help my mood when my pants fit a little nicer again ;) not to mention that my guy has been away for 4 weeks for work, with no sign of when he'll get to come back...already missed thanksgiving and might not see him till next year...

    but. we can still be positive :) at least we can commiserate!

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  5. I know exactly how you feel. Back when I was still married, our first year was the hardest too. I constantly felt overwhelmed and on the brink of losing it. Sometimes you just gotta take a step back, take a deep breath, and (try to) change your outlook. I love love love your goals for December, and I think I should probably join you on #2 and #4! :)

    Amanda
    www.watchoutmartha.net

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  6. Ugh I was right there in the first year of being married. I think life just wants to throw some extra craziness at newly married couples to see if they can get through it. In my opinion, when you make it through the first year, you can tackle anything. Go you for being positive and setting new goals for the month! :)

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  7. I do believe the 1st year is the hardest. My husband and I went through hell our 1st year...almost 5 years later it's amazing! :)

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  8. I can totally relate with your strawberry story! I get the exact same way after a long day at work, or when I'm hungry (I call it the hangries). Way to go on setting some goals for December. I cut out sugar of my diet last month, and if anything it's interesting to see how many things actually contain sugar. My big fitness goal this month is 30 minutes/day, every day, until New Years...which will hopefully help balance out all those cookies I plan on eating. :)

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  9. I love how real you are in this post! haha I don't know why the first year is notorious for being so hard, but I too had the hard first year! haha Marriage really can show us the things we need to work on personally and after we see those things and acknowledge it, we can move forward to becoming better people together :)

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  10. It's a stressful time of year for us as well with bills, bills, bills. I refuse to let it get to me, at least not right now. I love me some Christmas, so I'm trying to be as jolly as possible.

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  11. I hear ya girl. The holidays just on their own tend to do that to people... regardless of what else is going on in your life! Excited to hear about your 20 wishes action plan! It's almost time for a progress link up!

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  12. Love this. Good luck! You should read the happiness project. It completely changed my life and the way I look at my actions. Great book.

    xo, Emily
    bluedogbelle.blogspot.com

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  13. Definitely with you on this one Kym!!
    As cliched as this sounds - all these hurdles mould us into the strong and special people that we are! So glad you have a great man by your side to get through it all.
    x

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  14. Good for you Kym! I know how things seem to just spiral. I have had my brother passs away just over a month ago after fighting against cancer since February. Needless to say everything has felt like they would just happen, I hope you find the positivity and if you do let me know the secret!
    Missy x

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  15. I have always been optimistic, but now I'm very at peace because I took that quote to heart. I accept what I can't change and I change what I can't except! I hope you start feeling better girl!

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  16. Not married but felt like this lately too. Work has been horrible and lots of family issues going on (aging parents with illnesses and financial messes) + holiday stress. I had to go to Walmart on Saturday to buy some gifts and groceries and I gave myself a talk in the parking lot before I went in. It um it may have been out loud. So I looked crazy. I don't care!

    I said "You will not freak out. No matter WHAT is going on in that store you will NOT let it ruin your day. Do not go in there looking for something bad to happen. Be pleasant." I went in that store and every person that got in my way I just said "Excuse me please" with a giant smile on my face. I said "thank you" religiously for anyone that moved out of my way. I smiled at all the clerks. One of them sneezed...I stopped and blessed her. I saw sales weasels from a local car dealership (they had on name tags) wandering around aimlessly in the gift wrap aisle. I could hear them trying to find something. I stopped, butted in (it's what I do) and directed them to the correct aisle. They came back and said "You were spot on. Thanks." SALES WEASELS! I helped sales weasels!

    And then I had to do the self talk at every turn. "This does NOT have to be perfect. No one will be disappointed in what you are doing."

    I pretty much have those strawberry falling on the floor days multiple times a week.

    I am not even a glass half empty girl. I am a "I CAN'T FIND A DAMNED GLASS! WHY CAN'T I FIND ONE? Oh this one's broken. I can't even fill you halfway! I HATE EVERYTHING!" kind of girl when I am stressed. So this was a major accomplishment. Good for you with your goals. I was sort of working on your Goal #2 and trying so hard this year. Life is hard and stuff!

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