February 19, 2013

Day By Day Nothing Seems To Change, But Pretty Soon Everything Is Different.




TJ's team begins pre-playoffs this weekend. 

We could be leaving Germany in as early as four weeks 
(of course, we hope that they advance!)

But it's crazy, right? I feel like I just got here.

I've written once before about Defining Moments.

And today, I'd like to add to that post...




Sometimes I find myself longing for the girl who I use to be.

I carry these very vidid snapshots in my head of who I was at specific moments in time.

In Worcester, in Wheeling, in Hannover, in Texas, in Florida...

I remember certain characteristics about myself from each of these places,
but they no longer define who I am in this present moment, because each time we move,


So, I guess I miss a girl who doesn't really exist anymore.

Right when I think that I have myself figured out, I have to start all over again.

And I do, I figure it all out ... until we pack up and we prepare to go home for the summer, and I ready myself to gel back into the person who I am and the routine that I have in Massachusetts. 

Each time we arrive home I notice that my brother has grown just a little bit taller, and my sister has bloomed just a little bit more into a beautiful young woman, and my family and friends have carried on without me.

New memories have been created that I am not a part of, 
and I have seen places and met people who my loved ones may never know about.

I fit in just fine with family and friends back home ... but it's always a little strange at first.

Conversations don't come as easy at the start.

I've missed out on being physically present for the things that have altered my loved ones ... whether it be a birth, a death, an engagement, a promotion, etc ... and they have missed out on the things that have changed me.

"Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything is different." - Bill Watterson
pretty much sums up this transition.

It's all very bittersweet how much this "moving around thing" can fulfill me in ways I could never explain, yet break my heart all at the same time.


Have you ever been on a trip that has changed you?
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20 comments

  1. This is such a great post Kym!

    "I carry these very vidid snapshots in my head of who I was at specific moments in time."

    I can so identify with that sentiment. Just over the holidays I had 2 worlds collide - Gabon & University - and it was such a surreal experience. My Gabon world has been so separate from everything else and it was so strange to try to fit it in with something else!

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    1. Awee thanks sweet girl!

      Isn't it wild? And I can totally relate - it's still weird sometimes having TJ around my friends from growing up - they are from two totally separate worlds that I live in, ya know?! :)

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  2. Ah this post. I feel like this pretty much ALL the time. Even though we are no longer in a different country, being 700 miles away from family and friends, going back every time I feel more and more changed. I used to think I wanted to move back, but now whenever I go back I realize we don't really 'fit' there anymore. But I don't always feel like here (Colorado) is where we meant to be either. We talk all the time about how living in Sweden changed us, for the good, but it made us kind of feel like we don't fit in here anymore.

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    1. I feel the same way too. We don't feel like we really "fit" anywhere anywhere. I'd love to plant roots in Massachusetts because we'd be close to my family...but for some reason we both feel like we'd enjoy living somewhere in Florida...I have no idea why though! Germany definitely changed us for the better...it really changed us both into better versions of ourself. Isn't it crazy how changing timezones / leaving your comfort zone can do that??

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  3. I really love and appreciate this post. Even though I don't have to constantly up and move, I felt like it resonated with me because of my constant yearning for a different version of myself or a different place in time for me. As grateful and happy as I am with where I am in my life now, I feel like even small changes feel big sometimes, so I give you A LOT of credit for having to constantly uproot (and those are BIG changes). Thanks for sharing this.

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    1. Awee thank you, Amanda! It's been a while since I've "talked" to you :)

      Small changes definitely amount to big changes in the end!! I'm glad that you are in a happy place right now :)

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  4. I feel like we just recently talked about this .. how lives progress and develop at home and we come back to finding that they are not the same and we are not the same anymore. I have given up the idea of learning and knowing who I am eventually, because I feel like all my learning can't keep up with my changing and therefore, I have to realize that I am a constant work in progress. It's scary and unraveling sometimes because I, personally, like certainty, but I suppose that is just not how life works and thus, my love for security and certainty is just the biggest self-imposed challenge in my life. I don't really know what I am saying here, but I love the post, because while I have not moved as often as you have, I still feel like it speaks my mind and I can fully relate. xo.

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    1. We most certainly did talk about this recently :)

      I definitely understand every word that you're saying...and I feel like you're explaining the many things that run through my head when I start to think about the fact that I thought that I had myself figured out only to realize that I really don't.

      I previously always had this big, pastel painted picture of how my life would be at 25/26/27... and it's nowhere NEAR that ... so I like to call these little spurts of WTF'ness my quarter life crisis lol.

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  5. Your final quote is amazing - so very true. I can't even imagine how much of a change which must happen every time you move to a new place.

    I have travelled the past couple of Summers and it has really changed me. I feel a lot stronger and happy with myself. I am now independent and feel much more able to deal with new challenges.
    Good luck for TJ in the playoffs :-)

    Missy x

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    1. Amen amen amen!!!!! Isn't it funny how changing scenery for a little bit can help you see not only different parts of the world, but different parts of yourself too!??

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  6. I just spent this last weekend in Worcester and can't believe you lived there!

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    1. No way!!! Yes, I lived there from 2007-2009, but I am originally from Massachusetts and spend the summers there. Small world - do you travel to the area often?

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  7. wow such an amazing post! I would say this past move to texas has made me realize how much i miss and cherish my family and makes me think about what i willing to give up to go back home.

    XOXO
    Lisa

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    1. Thank you Lisa! I am glad that you were able to relate with my words. I hope that you enjoy Texas, it's a beautiful state!!

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  8. I can't imagine how difficult that would be. I've only ever been 3-4 hours away from my immediate family. I have taken some great trips where I had a really good time, but we really don't travel that often... I guess everything we go through on a daily basis changes who we are as a person though, so you'd be hard pressed to find someone who wasn't changed.

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    1. I agree, Kass! I guess I just find that when we're away from our loved ones for a longer period of time, the changes become much more clear as opposed to being surrounded by our loved ones and equally changing side by side - if any of that even makes sense, haha!!

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  9. just wrote about this too... so crazy this weird life we lead. yours is quite different than mine, espeically since i don't do all the moving around like you do...
    but i really do feel like a different person here than in california.

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    1. I know that I just got over to Germany, but every February, no matter where we are, I get this intense feeling of wanting to be home...really home, with my family.

      I'm for sure a different person everywhere I move. It is crazy how much of "you" is made up of your location and experiences!!

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