July 19, 2013

Real Talk // Living The (Hockey Wife) Life ...

I wrote a post a little over a year ago titled Girl VS. Girl, Why Can't We All Just Get Along.

You won't find that post anywhere in my archives because I swept through this blog back in September and deleted a handful of posts that I either didn't want to represent me, I didn't want to remember, or in this particular situation, I didn't want to give certain people the gratification in print any longer that they made my life a living hell.

To repaint the post with a few quick brushstrokes, I wrote about this crazy situation between myself and another "hockey wife" that happened two seasons ago. I was the victim of her torment and actually had to consider taking a restraining order out on her ... but I didn't ... because, well, she was the wife of one of TJ's teammates, and it was just this really awful, awkward situation to be put in at the time.

And no, unfortunately I can't make this type of crazy up, people.

Anyways, there is a reason why I'm bringing this shittastic moment from my life back up again.

This past hockey season I noticed a change within myself. I went from being the girl who always organized the appetizer and wine nights with the girls while the guys were on the road, and the girl who always coordinated the carpools and dinner dates before home games ... to becoming a girl who passed on every single "girls night" this year because I "had to work." 

I casually withdrew myself from the group, but in reality, I had very little desire to even attempt trying to become friends with another "hockey wife" ever again. 

Honestly though, could you really blame me?

Because in addition to the aforementioned situation, I've also dealt with three other vicious acts by my "fellow hockey wives":

1.) A hockey girlfriend creating a website posing as me that bashed all of the other wives and girlfriends on the hockey team.

2.) A hockey wife calling me at 2:30am ruffling my feathers with a lie that TJ had girls in his hotel room while on a road trip.

3.) A Captain's wife successfully scheming with her husband to urge management to release TJ from a tryout with a team in Germany, because I'm very good friends with one of the girls who was there, whom she had a falling out with, and so, she did not want my friend to have another friend on the team.
Again, I seriously can't make this shit up even if I tried.

Now, I'm not insinuating that all "hockey wives" are crazy, it just so happens that I've bumped into one or two ... or three ... okay, fine, four. In six hockey seasons. And I'm scarred. 

Scarred because I've experienced first hand that girls can be crazy bitches. Even I will admit that I can be a crazy bitch sometimes. Because women know how to hurt other women. I think it's a part of our genetic makeup, like a primal instinct that's instilled in us from when we used to have to bash each other over the head with a wooden club to prove who was the better mate. Except now, instead of bashing each other with clubs, we bash each other with hate, unkind words, malicious gossip, spreading rumors, social shunning, cyber-bullying, and emotional abuse. Did I really just go there? I think I did.

Okay, anyways ... so where was I going with this again?


Oh, right ... to tell you about this necklace and incredibly touching card that I received from a "fellow hockey wife" whom I haven't even actually met before in real life. 

That's right - we've never "been on the same team," and yet we are the same team - we root for each other, support each other, and wish nothing but the best for each other - like how women should be. She sent me the Hamsa in hopes that it will bring me good luck, health and happiness in the coming months, as she's well aware of the struggles that I've faced over the past few months that I've tucked behind me.

And this, my lady friends, is who we should all aspire to be like when we grow up.

As cheesy as this sounds - her kind and gentle heart has literally restored my faith in women. I'm no longer afraid to go out on a ledge and befriend someone anymore. I'm actually looking forward to meeting the girls this year - and who knows, hopefully making a lifelong friend or two.

So, in closing:

Dear Every Woman Who Is Reading This Blog Post Right Now,

I challenge you to "pay it forward" to another woman today, and to keep the beautiful gift of kindness that I recently received flowing. Even if it's something as simple as complimenting another woman's cute shoes, or noticing that she's having a great hair day and telling her so. Be genuine. Brighten another woman's day ... just because. Support her, encourage her, start a conversation with her and actually listen to her. Turn the spotlight onto someone else and celebrate her accomplishments, poise, grace, humor, opinions, or career. Treat her the way that you want to be treated. And most importantly, I challenge you to stop viewing the next woman that you meet as your competition or enemy, and instead - consider the possibility that you're meeting a potential best friend.

xo,
Kym

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42 comments

  1. Love, love, LOVE this post. I don't know how anyone could be mean to you and I'm sorry you've had to go through those things, but it sounds like they've helped you grow and learn. Loving the idea of paying it forward too. There's not much of a better feeling than making someone's day! Happy Friday, Blogging Bestie ;)

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  2. Here I'am at 7AM in tears because I thought (not really) that I was the only one that has been tormented by a hockey wife or 2 - there needs to be more of you, and the other woman in the "hockey world"… and the world in general. I think this may be one of my favorite posts from you. Looking forward to "paying it forward" today… Thanks Kym! xx

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  3. Between the hubby's broken leg and the amount I worked this season, I also withdrew myself from the wine and apps nights. All the drama was just getting to me, I was too old for it and didn't want to be involved. Girls can be so ruthless and sometimes to them, it's a competition for who makes more money, who gets more ice time, who wears letter, etc. There's at least one a season. But there's also the good ones. Those precious few you know you will be able to call for anything at any time for the ret of your life. :)

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  4. Wow. I can't believe people will stoop to such idiotic levels. But what is amazing is that someone out there sees who you are and decides to make you feel better. That's amazing. I love this post.

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  5. You are amazing, and anyone or "hockey wife" that messes with you will have to mess with me too!! I know how these girls can be my friend, and I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself and staying strong! you don't need those people in your life! x

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  6. Love this Kym! So excited for both you and TJ to start a new season in a new fun city! I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't stumbled upon your blog a few years ago when trying to look for advice or at least clarification that I wasn't the only one who thought the hockey girlfriend/wife life is nuts. It's such a roller coaster and even though I don't always tell you this, I have always appreciated your honesty and willingness to share your highs and lows with all of us. Reading your blogs, and I have read every single one you post, has helped give me comfort in knowing that I'm not in this alone and I'm not the only one who thinks is ridiculous that our boys take more than 30 minutes in the locker room after games while we sit and wait with apparently nothing better to do.

    Love you!!

    Ps. No one can get anywhere in 3 seconds, your setting me up for loss already

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  7. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to be friends with them again.

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  8. Beautifully said, April. I feel like I could have written this comment myself!

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  9. Isn't it funny how different our experiences can be year to year? This past season was really the only season during which I had issues with another wife. It was draining, embarrassing, and I really just want to pretend that it never happend. But the problem is that once you're burned, it's hard to trust and open up and share again. That's the trouble with fast/forced friendships, right? Anyway, you're spot on. There's almost always 'one' and unfortunately, the drama isn't always even about the girls - a lot of times it's about flippin' hockey itself! Lines, letters, ice time, etc. I always tell myself that those are things my husband should worry about. I shouldn't carry them. But when you've invested so much of your time and energy into supporting them and their career - and you rely on their career to keep your family afloat, it's hard to draw the line. I can sit here and say it's stupid and pathetic for girls to concern themselves with those things, but since we're all on this honest kick, from experience, I have to admit that when those things are an issue for the guys, it's hard to separate hockey from friendships - what happens on the ice from what happens off the ice. It just is. But you're right - there are good ones. LOTS of good ones. And I have certainly made life-long friends. Like Kym. ;)

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  10. I think we have all (or almost all) been through something like this - it's just that we feel embarrassed to talk about it. Kudos to you, Kym, for being so forthcoming.

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  11. I haven't experienced this with hockey wives.. But with church wives. Yes, those who I share communion with... Who I've prayed with... And who I work alongside in the kid's ministry at our church. It breaks my heart that women can be so brutal to one another for (what appears to be) no good reason. Like seriously girls, loving on and encouraging one another builds us up too! Or just being neutral and not a complete hater... Instead, we arm ourselves and attack. No go ladies.


    So excited for you and TJ to have this new start and that you're being encouraged already! :)

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  12. Loved this post Kym! I know it must have been hard to write, but there are so many ladies out there that even if they are hockey wives/girlfriends or not, enjoy and benefit from your posts. It's always comforting to know that you are not the only one going through a tough time. I know myself and others appreciate your willingness to open up in a deep way through your blog, and share feelings that are close to your heart.

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  13. It's so disappointing to hear that instead of support and understanding you're supposed to get from the few women who are sharing this unique experience with you, you've run into a handful of malicious ones. However, good on you for holding your head up high through it all. It's absolutely their loss for not having you in their lives!

    You asked the other day what kind of posts we as readers enjoy and this, real-life truth, is something I know I appreciate. I'm sorry that you've had to experience such cattiness; thank you for your willingness to share it with us. Hope Denver is nothing but a positive experience for you & TJ!

    Have a fabulous weekend!

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  14. I can completely relate to this except instead of hockey wife, I'm a military wife. I had a fellow wife go crazy on me last year and brought our husbands into it and all this nonsense. I distanced myself after that and just did my own thing. Now she's gone and there are new wives here and I've had to remind myself that they aren't all like that and to get through this lifestyle you need friends so I've given them a chance and I'm glad I did.

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  15. Holy cow - that sounds like a TV show. Way to take the high road and pull away, I'm sure you will be much happier for it.

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  16. I have experienced this as well (a different brand of crazy, but same umbrella) and it really is sad! Most of us are away from our families for a good chunk of the year to be with our husbands/boyfriends/fiancees, and so we should be sharing a common bond and sticking together. I have experienced the good in hockey wife relationships as well, but its not as common as we might hope :( Good for you in taking the high road though!! :)

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  17. Oh man I can't believe you have to deal with grown women acting like that! I really hope you don't have to deal with that here in Denver! And if you do, you can complain to me over some coffe or wine :)

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  18. Blogging Bestie, what what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    PS did you know you're getting MARRIED? Holy shitballs. Can I be your blogging maid of honor? I'll plan you the best freaking virtual bridal shower everrrrrrrr.

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  19. Miss Amanda! You almost brought me to tears with your sweet comment. Thanks girly and I hope that you have a stress free and FUN season this year!! I can't wait to read all about it =) xx

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  20. Hahaha, I had to laugh at your "I'm too old for it" bit - I swear this whole hockey thing has aged me by at least 8 years!!!! I hope that you two have the best season ever, have you made a decision yet? Fill me in since our last convo!!

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  21. I definitely don't need them in my life, but I wish that I had more friends like YOU!


    Isn't it incredible how two blogs and a silly little blogging community can bring two people together who live thousands of miles away from one another? I'm seriously blessed to call you a friend, xoxoxo.

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  22. I. Love. You.

    PS. I CRACKED A BLANKET IN HALF! DO YOU GET WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS?

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  23. Oh wow, church wives!!!??? I think you may have beat my drama out of the ball park, sister!!!!


    I agree with you. I'm no stranger to being a "mean girl" in my "younger" years, I mean ... who hasn't? But as I've grown and both experienced and witnessed how awful women can be to one another, I've really been focused over the past year and a half or so on trying to become a "girls girl" - I mean, living in a "man's world" is hard enough - we should be encouraging to one another, not making it more difficult on our fellow hoohas ;)

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  24. You're the sweetest. Thank you for this, Kira. Send me a life update, please? Miss you! xoxoxo

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  25. It is very disappointing, but I'm glad that I've been able to put it behind me and move on from it!!

    I'm also glad that you enjoy these types of posts. Putting things out like this definitely makes me very vulnerable at times for hate and judgement, however so far all I've ever received is encouragement and thanks for being real.



    Thank you for reading, Audi! xo

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  26. Ugh, what an unfortunate situation, but I'm so happy that she's gone, and I'm even happier that you have a solid group of girlfriends there!!

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  27. Hahaha right? I'm actually really surprised that no one has started a hockey wives series that captures how crazy some of these betches can be.

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  28. Agreed! Luckily I've gained way more friends than foes in the past 6 hockey seasons - here's to seeing what the 7th will bring!

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  29. It's a shame, that's for sure!!!!!!!

    Heck to complaining - I hope that we'll get together for a blate regardless! xo

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  30. Although I'm not a hockey wife, I've definitely met my share of women who never matured beyond high school. There's nothing like having a few great girlfriends in your life, but getting burned by one fellow female can certainly put you on guard. Hope your surrounded my many more pleasant women this season!

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  31. Wow some women just never seem to grow up. It's disgusting!

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  32. Oh girl, I've been a tomboy all my life and being a "girls' girl" is so damn hard! Until lately I've avoided that mess, but I want to have those close girlfriends in life sometime, so I'm going to give it my best shot. With prayer and perseverance I'm thinking God will work something out for me! :)

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  33. Ah my Kymmy, I love you too much! I am so grateful for this blogging world that made us "meet" x

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  34. Can we just all get together one day and write a book on the Crazy McCrays we've met over the years!?! I have a feeling it would be a national best seller, because, as you said, you cannot make this shiz up! :) Decided to catch up on some blog reading today and wanted to say hi. Hope all is well Kym!!

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  35. Thank you so much Janet, I hope that I am too - it's been a while =)

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  36. I think we've discussed that a time or two ;)


    Miss you, Texa!!!

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  37. I've told you this before and I'll tell you again. BEST IDEA EVER. Love you, BMOH ;)

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  38. Sounds like you have been through the ringer, and I am sorry to hear that my deary!
    I know this probably doesn't compare oh boy for me middle school and high school were ROUGH because of girl issues. And I totally know about the crazies! I cannot believe that someone impersonated you with a website that is absolutely Despicable (and that capital D is there for a reason)!! And that is such a sweet story about the hamsa! Always here if you need some love, I am ready to disperse some at any time! xoxo

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  39. I HATE that you have had to go through this, and that any of us have had to go through stuff like this. We all need to just get along! Very inspiring post :)

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  40. I'm glad you put all that craziness behind you and are looking ahead. Sometimes it's the little things that make a difference like paying it forward.

    I have always loved the "pay it forward" idea. A few years ago I challenged myself to "pay it forward" once a month to friends/family but annonymously. It was my best year. I left handmade cards on people's cars with notes saying how special I thought they were. I sent flowers when someone found out they had an illness. I made sure that these little gestures could never be traced back to me. I think it made me smile more than it made them smile.

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