August 13, 2013

Weighing In // So This Is (1)27.5

When I met TJ back in 2007 I weighed 108 pounds. 

I know this because I weighed myself incessantly and I had been living with an eating disorder for about ten years prior to meeting him. I knew that my measurements were (what I considered) a perfect 34-24-34, and that my body fat was at 11%.

I never considered it or even refer to it now as a time where I was "struggling with an eating disorder" because I wasn't struggling ... it was kind of just a part of my life that meshed in with teaching dance classes 35 hours per week, coaching high school cheerleading 15 hours per week, practicing and dancing for a pro football team 15 hours per week ... and it was sort of just a part of who I was.

Somehow, after I "retired" from dancing and cheerleading, and I became more comfortable in my own skin (alright, let's get real - I learned to love wine and brownies without feeling guilty), the weight slowly crept on. I joke now that I met TJ and "he" made me gain 20 pounds - but it's okay, and I can laugh about it. Because I did gain twenty pounds, and I'm okay with it.

Because I'm healthy now, and I'm proud of my body. Sort of.

When we were in Mexico a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't help but look at the other girls bodies as they walked by the pool, and compare my body to theirs. My eyes kept scanning the skinny legs, toned arms, tight tushies and perfect abs. 

"Are my legs as nice as hers?" "Does my stomach look like that?" "Damn it, I need to start working more on my arms."

I made a comment to TJ about how great one of the girls bodies was and he replied, "Kym, she's like 17 years old." As I peeled my eyes away from her thigh gap and looked at her face, I saw that he was right. She was probably about 17 - which made me probably about 10 years older than her. Probably.

What the hell? When did that happen?

And that's when I realized, So This Is 27.5 ... and I shouldn't ever compare my body to or aspire to want to look like a 17 year old (or my 17 year old self) ever again.

So as I re-scanned the pools and really looked at the dozens of women who were my age and older who surrounded me, I saw both "fat" women and "skinny" women. And I realized that "fat" and "skinny" are both subjective.

And I saw that not one of women at the resort was wearing a one piece. Every single woman was embracing her body, rocking a bikini, and having a good time, regardless of her extra wiggle or jiggle.

And then I realized that while I was wasting time wishing for another girls buns, thighs and abs, another girl could have been looking at me wishing for mine. And then I realized that we all need to cut it freaking out and be happy with what we have, because the number on the scale or the measuring tape does not even give a sliver of an indication about the type of women that we are.

Because toned arms do not equal a kind heart.
Flat abs do not make you a good person.
And a firm ass does not make you a good friend.

There is always going to be another woman with a smaller body, nicer hair, a better paying job, a more fashionable wardrobe, a more caring husband ... okay, let me give it to you straight - there is always going to be another woman with more or better than what you have. AlwaysSo the only woman that you should strive to be better than is yourself. Be the best that you can be ... for your boyfriend or your husband, your children, your family, your friends, and most importantly - for yourself.

***************

I came in from a run a few days ago and my dad turned to me and said, "I don't get you girls - you're working out to make your butt smaller, and your sister is working out to make her butt bigger - can't you girls just be happy with what you have?"

Boom, daddyo.


And that's all she wrote.
xo,
Kym

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27 comments

  1. I love what your Dad said.

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  2. I love this post. Being in AZ, girls are always wearing practically nothing. I often ask Gary the same thing.

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  3. Your dad is right. ahh its so hard being a girl

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  4. Well said, pops! I was the same and would write down my weight every day. I keep comparing my body to a bunch of the college girls I see around town and then have to remember they're 18. Getting older blows sometimes. I'm striving to have more of a mindset like yours now. We're always our own worst enemy and critic.

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  5. Great post!! I often stand and criticise my body in the mirror and have moments of being happy with it and moments of not. I become defensive when I am told "You must eat" . Just because I am simply not hungry, but then I feel self conscious of my body and wonder if it looks bad? I think trying to be happy with your body is one of the hardest things for a woman to be and I hope both you and I get there!
    Missy x x

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  6. spot on, girl. every woman should read this post when they are feeling uncertain about their body.
    thanks, beautiful.

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  7. Truth. I finally realized this summer, I'm never going to be the skinniest/fittest mom around, but also probably not that 'fattest'/chubbiest/least toned at the pool either. I'm somewhere in the middle and my 27 year old self is okay with that. Mostly. :)

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  8. Kym, this makes me so happy to read. I feel the same way! I have lost a few pounds recently, and dude... I'm STILL feeling like the other girls have it all. I know I will never have that "ideal" body that everyone seems to want, but you know what? I LOVE my body. Small boobs and all! And hey, my husband likes it too. It's not perfect, but it's me. Thank you for reminding us that we don't have to be perfect to be beautiful!

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  9. So true. Most of us (myself included) seem to want what we don't have. Your dad is a smart man, by the way!

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  10. Emilie Bordeleau-LarocheAugust 13, 2013 at 3:36 PM

    This is definitely one of the best blog posts I have read in a very long time. It reminded me, and I'm sure, many other people that we can't all look like models and that's okay! I like who I am. Yes, I have my moments when I keep wondering if those girls look better than me, but that's not me and I don't mind. :)

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  11. Oh girlfriend. You have no idea how much (I didn't know) that I needed to read this. You are so right. All I want to be is better than the Sami I was yesterday and that's honestly all I can ask for. Thank you for the reminder of that :)

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  12. So true. It's funny though, when you're the 17 year old girl with the awesome bod you think you're "so fat"...riiiiight. But hey, 27 is dang sexy too, and I'd say the confidence that we now have is MUCH sexier than any 17 year old body. :)

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  13. We all need a reminder like this, thank you!!! :]

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  14. I love this. You summed it up beautifully. Nobody wants to be perpetually 17. Not even just your body! ;)

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  15. Beautiful. Thank you for the reminder that at 26, I will not be like the 18 years old I see. Why would I want to be? We are always looking for something "better", but we need to look at our own selves and see if we are being the best US. xoxoxo

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  16. The entire time I'm in a bikini, i'm stressing out about what people are thinking about me. You're right, people are doing the same thing about THEMSELVES!! People aren't worried about me!! And for the record, I'd take your body any day of the week! In 10 years I bet I'll be wishing I had the body I have now.

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  17. well said dear. i was talking to friends about this exact thing. i thought it was perfectly normal to compare bodies, wish things were different or so on. (it's something i am always working on) and then my friend told me. how can we compare ourselves when we're all built so differently? some people are never going to be tall, thin and modelesk because their bodies simply weren't built that way. other people are never going to have perfectly toned bodies, the curves they want or so on because it's not our body structure. every person is so uniquely built and we need to be proud of what we have!

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  18. So true and what a great reminder! At 57 it's so easy to look at others and compare, but I just need to be the best "me" I can! Thank you for a well needed pep talk :-)

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  19. You're amazing. Seriously. I totally suck at commenting, but every time I read your blog lately, what you're talking about resonates with me. Everytime I'm around other women, or even just walking through the mall, I'll look at other women and compare. "Look, that lady has 2 kids like me... but she's way skinnier, what is wrong with me?!" etc. I have to remind myself that it's OK, that I need to accept my body and myself... anyway, thanks for keepin it real. :)

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  20. Oh my god. I think I'm hormonal. I just burst out laughing at your "Boom Dadyo" and then immediately teared up at the message right below that.

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  21. I couldn't have said it better myself!! We are always wanting more to look better but when we look back eventually, we were actually so happy! I am trying to lose the last bit of baby weight but not stressing myself out anymore! And I love you just the way you are! x

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  22. Awww your Dad nailed it! What a beautiful post. Nothing compares to a kind heart!!!!

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  23. so so true! None of us are alike and we always look at "her" and want her [fill in the blank]. You are right in that the only person we should try to be better than is the person we were yesterday.


    Although I can totally understand. When I met my husband I weighed probably 98lbs. I'm now at 126ish.

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  24. I'm going through this 27 year old realization too! It's like you took the words out of my mouth. I'm trying to find a happy medium and just be happy!

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  25. I think I'm kind of spoiled in that my parents did a very good job of teaching me growing up to be very content with myself instead of wanting what other people have--and that's a lesson I'll always be grateful for. I mean, technically, I suppose I should be jealous of ladies who actually have to wear a bra--but I'm not. There's a lot of freedom in just being grateful for the body you have instead of comparing it to others!

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  26. Thank you so much for posting this. I have an 18 yr old daughter who was admitted 4 years ago for an eating disorder and I know that she sometimes struggles. Seeing you post this gives me hope that one day she will be comfortable with herself. It also makes me realize as her 40+ mom, I also have to remember to love myself and my badges of childbearing. Thanks!!

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  27. Thank you so much for this post. It's so crazy that it's a revolutionary act for a woman to love her own body. I look forward to the day when it will be easy for us to be content with our bodies and focus on other things.

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