January 27, 2014

Get The Puck Out Of Here

Fact: I have no idea where TJ slept last night. And I have no idea where he's sleeping for the next seven nights, either.

I'm often asked by family and friends who live outside of our hockey bubble if I'm lonely when TJ is traveling for hockey, or if I'm sad when he's on the road.

The honest answer? No.

After seven years of "living the hockey life" I've learned to like when TJ's gone. I actually look forward to roadtrips, and I enjoy spending time apart.

You see ... call me a little bit selfish, but I appreciate quality time with myself. I look forward to sitting on the couch in my underwear, watching six episodes in a row of Glee, and enjoying a well balanced meal of wine, cheese and pepperoni for dinner in a judgement free zone.

When TJ is gone we usually talk on the phone for five minutes after a game or before bed, and we'll text random updates or "I miss you"s a couple of times throughout the day.

When he comes home I've found that I am more tolerant of the little things that he does that drives me bat shit crazy, like when he puts a cereal bowl in the sink instead of the dishwasher, or when he peels his clothes off and piles them on the floor instead of in the laundry basket that is two feet away, because I'm not dealing with it on a daily basis (Teej - I know you are reading this. This is like the equivalent of that time that I "dog shamed" Brutus on Instagram. Get it together, bud.) 

But most importantly, I'm not lonely and I'm not sad when TJ is on the road because #1. I know that he's coming home, and #2. I know that as soon as he walks in the door, the moments that we get to spend together will be quality ones. 

Granted, sometimes we are both so tired and zoned out that we sit on the couch together in complete silence and binge on Netflix ... but I always make sure that the apartment is clean, and that he gets a "homecooked meal" after seven days of eating in restaurants, gas stations and hotels, and that he feels loved and appreciated when he's home. 

These roadtrips and time apart have truly strengthened our relationship over the past seven years ... so no, I am not sad when TJ is gone ... but I will be sad when we're no longer living the hockey life and when these roadtrips are over... 

How do you let your significant other know that s/he's loved and appreciated?

xo,
Kym
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46 comments

  1. Just came across your blog and I can relate to everything you talk about! My husband plays baseball with the Cleveland Indians and our life is a whirl wind all the time! I have to say, I feel the same way when he is gone. Except, he leaves for the season and I see him when the games are close to me! Check out the blog at http://blogwiththebrowns.blogspot.com Way to stay positive!

    xx,
    Cayte

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    1. Hi Cayte! It's such a pleasure to "meet" you - there are a few other baseball wife blogs, and I always enjoy hearing things from your perspective! I've oftentimes considered staying home and letting TJ travel, but after five years of moving around with him I think it'd be too difficult of an adjustment for us. I look forward to getting to know you better!! xoxo

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  2. Wow girl, great minds think alike! I literally just blogged about the same thing like a week ago, glad I'm not the only one that doesn't miss my hubs when he's away on a roady :)

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    1. Hahaha!! That's too funny! I told TJ last night that I had nothing to blog about today and he said "Why don't you blog about how much you miss me when I'm gone?" ... annnnd, this is what he got, lol!

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  3. Tyson and I work different shifts (me first, him second). I love the me time it provides me, I feel like I'm a better mate because of the time I get to spend with myself.

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    1. Exactly THIS, Kelli! Absence makes the heart grow fonder ;)

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  4. i couldn't agree more with this! space is healthy and needed i think, especially if you appreciate the Teej when he is back home!

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    1. For sure! I sort of struggled with writing this post because I've seen a lot of Christian based bloggers write about how you should make your man your priority 24.7 and ... our relationship just wouldn't function well like that. I agree that space is healthy, and it's much needed to make you a better person, wife, sister, friend, etc!

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  5. I'm just like you - I love my friends and family, but I NEED lots of alone time or else I'm going to be in such a crabby mood and not be a fun person to hang out with. Quality over quantity, right? :)

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    1. Absolutely, Caroline!! Haha! I definitely enjoy time with myself, and I think that's a good thing! If you're miserable and lonely when you're alone then I think that's a major problem!! xoxo

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  6. I'm so excited for Saturday.. let me know if you want to get together sometime this week for dinner or more importantly wine :)

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    1. Obviously I want to see you :) TJ is so happy that I met you and venture out with you. Wuv you wong time Sami Shanaynay.

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  7. I couldn't agree more Kymmy - I am also super selfish with my one on one me time! I love having the house, bed, fridge and TV to myself on those days but I also loving sharing it all with MC too… Not always easy for others to understand, but I GET YOU GIRL! x

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    1. I especially love having the bed and TV to myself, haha!! I hope that you are feeling well - I can't wait to "meet" the little one and watch SJ become a big sis!. I miss my CaleyJ! <3

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  8. I was just asked this question the other night if I was lonely. Billy refs hockey and only 2-3 nights per week, and I was half bothered when I was asked this! He's literally only gone two hours or so and in that time I get so much done! I didn't understand it at all actually haha

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    1. What is it about that?! I get SO MUCH DONE when TJ is gone - his simple presence on the couch can mess with my productivity lol.

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  9. Love this! I often encourage Todd to go out and do things without me just so I can get that alone time that I crave! Lounging around by myself for hours with some chips and tv always sounds so perfect!

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    1. ​I think it's so healthy to encourage your man to go out and do his own thing! And to be happy with your own self and to just be able to sit there and enjoy your own presence!​

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  10. Time apart is so important! I remember when Matt worked out of town... at first it was lonely but, after a little while I just got used to it & decided I had a choice... be sad & do nothing or entertain myself & make the best of it!

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    1. Exactly this, Shayna!! I think it's incredibly important to be able to enjoy your own presence and to make the most out of every situation! xo

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  11. Time apart has been our whole relationship the past 8 years. ha!
    His new duty station is normal hours, like 9-5. He doesn't have 24 hr duty, only 8 hr, no deployments, no underways, no training. We are apart right now while we wait for housing but it'll be weird to kind of lead a "normal" life for the next 2 years. Not that living on a Military base is normal at all, but it's as close as we will get. haha

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  12. Alone time is so crucial! I think the best way to show your sig other that you care about them is to be understanding of that, and to allow them (and yourself!!) time to be apart, also knowing when it is appropriate and not appropriate!

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  13. With Ryan being in law school a state away, we generally only see each other on the weekends and like you, I like to be sure to make that time together count. He is working SO hard for our future that I like to make sure our home is a sanctuary and that I have fun dates planned. During the week I'm much like you, soaking up "me time" with control over the remote, menu, and bed :) I'm sure our worlds will be rocked if a "normal" married schedule ever starts to happen

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    1. What you wrote about your husband is so beautiful, Katie! :) It actually pains me when I hear women complain that their husbands are always working etc ... they are working hard for our futures and families! I often wonder how different our life will be once hockey is over ... it actually scares me what we won't have to plan around schedules, etc ... yikes!!

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  14. I just got to experience this for the first time. My boyfriend is going to be out of town for the next month for work and we have spent everyday together for the last 6 months of living together. I was scared I wouldn't know what to do with myself. WOO was I wrong... I got to go shopping without him being dragged along, lay in bed watching trashy reality TV and just have time for myself. Every person needs their "me" time no matter if your married, dating or single.

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  15. So well said! I go crazy without alone time. It is really important so I'm glad you talked about it. Sharing this post!!

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  16. I don't think it's selfish to enjoy some you-time while he's on the road. We all need our own time to do our own thing & to have a chance to miss our significant other. It makes relationships stronger, in my opinion.

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  17. I understand this completely! Derrick works really late during the week and on Saturdays so even though he isn't gone like TJ is, I don't seem him a lot besides Sunday. Even though I miss him and want to spend time with him, I do like the “me” time to do absolutely whatever I want and it honestly does make being with him that much better. (Plus, I don’t want to rip my hair out when he’s constantly picking at his nails and won’t cut it out… MY biggest pet peeve!)

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  18. I would love to have more "me time" and not be made fun of for watching trashy reality tv or how much wine I'm drinking :-P

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  19. I love that you admit you need your "me" time! I am like that and some people look at me like I'm crazy and I don't love my husband. I DO love him, but absence makes the heart grow fonder (cheesy but true) and it's nice to do things on my own so I can tell him about them later... or just time to have the couch all to myself and watch garbage on TV. Whatever.

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  20. Awe...I totally agree. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Ha! I love some "me" time although it doesn't happen unless I'm running. I show my hubby I love him or I miss him by sending him a little love text or getting him his favorite little treat.

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  21. My husband and I both travel for work and it's kind of a nice break. We have become experts in quick and effective communication and the coming home part is always so wonderful. And yes, nights at home in a judgment free zone are my favorite… non stop wine, blogging and Parenthood and I'm happy. Plus, we have the pups to keep us company. Life would be very different without them.

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  22. I am the same way - when Keith took two weeks off from work for Christmas/NYE, it actually got on my nerves some days because he wasn't doing anything and it threw my schedule off. I secretly wished him back to work, ha! But with our busy busy lives, I know that when we are together, it is good! :)

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  23. I so agree with this! My husband doesn't travel a lot, but he goes through phases of having to be gone on rotations or just straight up studying for 15/16 hour days. I've learned to look forward to them as a free pass for netflix binging :)

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  24. I love this. I need more ME time in my life, because I find myself nit picking the little things my husband does just because one thing set me off, the other 40 little things he does as well.
    I've always been a "be okay by myself" kind of person, but we do spend ALOT of time together.
    I think you guys have such a great mixture,even if sometimes it is REALLY hard!

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  25. I wouldn't be able to survive without my alone time. No way, no how! It's like a good re-charge.

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  26. My husband travels a bit for work too and I really enjoy our time apart because it makes me appreciate our time together that much more.

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  27. I really needed to read this post today! My husband just started a practique on a stroke ward for school and I was feeling a bit bad about how happy I was with all the free time to myself I am going to have for the next 8 weeks! Glad to know I am not the only one who loves their husband but also likes a good dose of solo TV watching and eating!

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  28. Having done major long distance for 6 years before we were married I can totally relate to this post!

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  29. Hmmm. Maybe that's what I should do now that I'm used to being on my own. Start dating a hockey player ;) I think it's great that you guys have a balance that works for you!

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  30. Bat shit crazy is a line used probably once a day in our house... and my husband knows how to drive me there. Totally agreed with you..though my husband doesn't travel like yours, and I love my best bud (hence me returning the "i do") we have our separate offices and he has his garage..don't let the door knob hit ya!

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  31. People ask me the same with Gary working long hours. He always comes home at night but I'm usually in bed.. It's the quality time that matters.

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  32. Love this! R and I are long distance all of the time and it's tough! We just really appreciate all of the time we have together. I'm always so excited for the few days we get together when we do. I do actually really appreciate my alone time though... But not as much as you because I get it all the time! :)

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  33. I am totally with you, though road trips here are only a day long, I reallllly enjoy my time to myself to relax, enjoy some wine, catch up on Nashville, and occasionally blast Taylor Swift while dancing around. Sometimes Jeff comes home to freshly baked cookies too which I'm sure he doesn't mind ;)

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  34. My husband and basketball professionally in Europe and I feel the same way! It is something you grow accustom to that many will never understand! Look forward to keeping up!

    XO, Brooke

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    1. Hi Brooke! I'm so happy you stumbled on my blog! How'd you find it? That's so neat that your husband plays basketball! I always love bumping into baseball or basketball or football wives who blog, it's so interesting to compare our lives :) Where in Europe are you?

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I love reading your thoughts and opinions and I do try to answer all comments and questions. If you would like to contact me directly feel free to email me at kymberly_fox@yahoo.com, on Instagram @kymberly_fox, or at Facebook.com/KymFox86 :)

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